Alchemy
by daphne dangerlove
Summary: Grissom's finally figured out what he wants, is he too late to win Sara's heart? GSR. Written for the Geekfiction Trick or Treat Ficathon.


**A/N:** All quotes from The Illuminated Rumi, translations and commentary by Coleman Barks & Illuminations by Michael Green. 

**Acknowledgements:** Many thanks to my beta, Elle, for always bringing out the best in my writing morning, noon, and midnight.

This was written for the Geekfiction Trick or Treat Ficathon and is cross-posted there.

**Alchemy**

**Earth**

_"Inside a needle's eye, a turning night of stars." _

Grissom had finally given up.

He'd had years with only doubt and fear as company, yet in the end, it was the simplest of things that had laid it all to rest. He'd forgotten to turn out the lights before leaving for work. So after pulling two doubles in a row, he'd come home to a house that glowed with warmth. He was sleep deprived to be sure, so that must have been the reason he found himself wondering who could be waiting for him inside. There was only one person that came to mind.

So this was why he was standing on Sara's doorstep late one evening, armed only with the knowledge that she had the night off and a weakness for Madame Lu's Moo Shu Vegetables.

When the door swung open, his heart nearly dropped to his feet. Sara stood before him in a pair of black drawstring pants, a tank top and bare feet. He knew he was staring at her, but he couldn't help it.

"What are you doing here?" Her eyes narrowed, a hand settling on her hip. "I didn't hear anything on the scanner."

"Having dinner with a friend?" He pointed at the bag in his arms. Sara's eyes flicked over the bag, resting for a split second on the Madame Lu menu poking out of the top.

"We're not friends." Her words stung with truth, he'd never even tried to be her friend.

"Not yet." He said quietly.

She studied him intensely for several seconds, he was sure she was going to shut the door in his face and if he was honest with himself, that was what he probably deserved.

"You have Moo Shu Vegetables in there, don't you?"

He nodded.

"Plum sauce?"

Another nod.

Finally she let out a little sigh, "Alright. Come on in."

Sara shut the door behind him, watching as he set the food down on the kitchen counter. It occurred to her rather suddenly that she didn't have a dining table, and they'd need some place to set their plates. She cleared a stack of art books from the coffee table, and figured the couch would have to do.

They were sitting there, empty plates in front of them, when she finally asked him. "Why are you really here?"

He looked at her out of the corner of his eye, fumbling with a half empty container of rice, "Dinner?" His answer sounded lame, even to him, and he knew he owed her more than that. He sighed, staring down at his hands. "I miss you."

Later that night, when she was alone in the dark, his words would continue to echo in her head; only then could she whisper, "I miss you too."

**Air**

"_This is how I would die into the love I have for you. As pieces of cloud dissolve in sunlight."_

"Twice in one week." Sara said with a laugh as she opened her front door, "What will the neighbors think?"

He looked at her, slightly stunned by the light in her eyes; she looked happy to see him. The first few times he'd brought her dinner, she'd treated him with the utmost skepticism, almost as if she didn't believe he was really there, but now he could feel the warmth radiating off of her.

"What's this?" She asked, making a quick dive to the left to keep him from losing a bag of plum tomatoes. She plucked two bags out of his arms and followed him into the kitchen.

"I thought you might be getting a little tired of takeout." He said, already rummaging through Sara's drawers for a knife.

"You're cooking?" An eyebrow went up.

"I thought I'd break in those pots and pans I saw in the cabinet." He'd probably have to wash them first, considering the layer of dust on them.

"Well, I'm not much of a cook, but that hasn't been a problem lately." She felt herself blush slightly at the smug look he gave her. It was obvious that the landscape of her life was changing and he was determined to be a part of it.

"Nice bowl." Grissom said, spotting the brand new honey colored bowl sitting at the end the counter top.

"I thought it would be nice to have something other than that pink plastic bowl to toss the salad." Sara shrugged, and had to look away, unwilling to admit she'd stood in the store for over thirty minutes just staring at salad bowls before she'd finally worked up the courage to buy one. It wasn't until after she'd paid for it and been handed a free pair of matching tongs that she realized she was buying so much more than a bowl. She was putting her faith in a future that included Grissom and that scared the hell out of her.

Grissom used the new bowl to serve the best chopped salad Sara had ever had, paired with a cheese and asparagus soufflé that left her wondering about his other hidden talents.

"Well," She said, putting a pile of plates in the sink, "I'm eating a whole lot better these days."

_And smiling more _he thought as he turned on the water to fill the sink while Sara cleared the rest of the table. He washed, she dried. They'd never even had to discuss it, that's just the way it was between them.

"Next time why don't you let me take care of dinner?" She appeared beside him, and leaned back against the counter, a dish towel over her shoulder.

He stopped mid-wash, his hands wrist deep in hot water, his brain caught on _next time, _"I don't mind." He answered after rinsing a bowl, "After all, I'm the one imposing on you."

"I'd hardly call it imposing." Standing so close to him, she could feel the heat of his body; all she wanted to do was slide her hand into his, put her head on his shoulder, and tell him all of her secrets.

He almost kissed her, right there in the middle of the kitchen, with his hands all wet and soapy. It was something he caught in her eyes, but it was only a flicker, and then she turned away. He watched as she fumbled around in a cabinet, taking too long to put away a pot, and when she looked him again, what he thought he'd seen was gone.

"Griss?" Her hand was on his shoulder now, seeking his attention, but he couldn't look at her for fear of giving himself away.

"You get the wine. What would you like to have?" Just the slightest touch of her hand made him feel bold.

She smiled, tilting her head to the side. "Well, I hate to admit it, but I kind of like it when you surprise me." She was more than a little charmed by the effort he'd put forth to choose foods that she would like so far.

Nodding, he turned back to the sink. That was just fine with him, if he had it his way, he'd be surprising her for the rest of his life.

**Fire**

"_Roar lion of the heart, and tear me open."_

"Trick or Treat?" Sara opened the door to find Grissom leaning against the wall outside of her apartment inspecting one of the many plastic spiders she had hanging around the door frame.

"You're not wearing a costume, so I guess you're not here for the candy." Despite his lack of costume, Sara sensed something distinctly different in him, as if he had somehow turned a corner, that, and he was smiling.

"I brought you a treat." He said holding up a large white paper bag.

"You're happy tonight." Sara said, stepping back and opening the door wider. She felt butterflies stir in the pit of her stomach. They'd been living in this precious limbo for longer than she'd ever imagined possible; spending long evenings together, talking about everything, saying nothing, and never touching on what really mattered. She wondered if that was all about to change.

He shrugged. "I enjoy the ritualistic aspects of Halloween." Pausing at the huge bowl of candy Sara had left on the counter he selected a piece before putting the bag of takeout down. "And I'm partial to the marriage of chocolate and peanut butter."

He knew Sara would follow him shortly after she'd turned off the outside light and locked the door. Being with her, in her apartment, gave him a feeling of familiarity that he'd never known before. He wasn't a fool, though, he sensed Sara's hesitancy, and watched her pull back whenever he got too close. In retrospect, he'd approached mending their relationship without a clear plan, and perhaps that had been a mistake. At first he thought simply being around her would be enough, but it didn't take him long to realize it just left him wanting more.

Sara came up behind him, peeking into the top of the bag; from the sweet, spicy smell of the containers he was removing, she guessed he'd gone with Italian. "Red?" She asked, setting the wine bottle on the counter next to him.

He nodded as he transferred the pasta into a large white serving bowl, tucking two serving spoons into the bowl before handing it her. Sara set it down on the table, pulled out a chair and sat down heavily. It was oddly comforting to have him in her home, yet at the same time it left her with a dull ache at the bottom of her heart to know that it could all disappear without warning. She stared at her hands for a moment, twisting her fingers together before looking up at him.

"How long are we going to do this?"

"As long as it takes." He'd known the question was coming for a while now, but his answer surprised even him.

"For what?

"For you to really let me in." He brought the uncorked bottle of wine to the table, along with two glasses and set them down.

"I can't go down this road with you." She'd already said good bye to him when he'd turned up on her doorstep that first time, and in her mind, there was no harm in sharing dinner. She never guessed what a traitor her heart would turn out to be.

"I know." He looked down at the table for a minute before meeting her gaze again. When he did, she realized the lost look in his eyes was gone replaced by something surer. "There's something between us, Sara. I tried to make it go away, I did."

Sara rubbed her palms together, noting that the room seemed to be getting inexplicably warmer. "Why?" It was the one question that plagued her.

"How could you ever see a life with me?"

_More easily than you could have imagined. _Something fluttered in her heart, and she pressed her hand to her chest as if to quiet it. She knew his doubts as well as her own. She stood slowly, crossing the room to stand in front of the window.

He came up behind her and his hand found hers. "I know you can feel it." He said softly, twining his fingers with hers as he turned her in his arms.

"I can't." She looked down at the floor because she couldn't look him in the eye and lie. He was in her heart, her soul, every single breath she took, and at one time she believed he could be in her life, but too much time had passed, and her heart had been broken in too many places.

She turned away from him. He only stood there for a moment longer, staring at her back, and then he was gone.

**Water**

_"I have one small drop of knowing in my soul, let it dissolve in your ocean."_

Sara stood in front of the window for a long time after he'd gone, her breath fogging the glass while she tried to forget that Grissom had ever been there. She thought she'd been so careful, yet here she was with her heart in a million little pieces, again. This time, though, the cuts had been made by her hand. She was the one that had sent him away, and he'd gone without so much as a question.

Eventually, she found her way over to the table and sat down among the ruins of their dinner, trying to piece together the last few months. He'd so carefully erased her reluctance to let him back into her life that she'd barely noticed it happening. Suddenly one day she'd realized that her apartment had become so much more than just a place to sleep; it was becoming a home.

She'd sworn to herself she'd stop it before it got out of hand, but she hadn't, and now she was more in love with him then she could have ever thought possible. She'd been a fool to think they could ever be friends. He knew her like no one else ever could.

Her eyes fell on the bottle of wine in front of her and she poured a glass. She was just lifting it to her lips when her front door opened and Grissom stepped through it. Sara stood up, barely noticing the wine that sloshed over the rim and onto the table. She left the glass, sitting in a puddle, on the table.

"I can't do it." He spoke before she had the chance to yell at him for scaring her.

"Do what?" She heard the hope in her voice and nearly cursed aloud.

"I can't walk away from you." After circling Sara's apartment complex several times, he'd realized Sara had expected him to leave all along; after all, he'd never given her any reason to believe he would stay. "You are a part of me. You've always been a part of me." He heard the hoarseness of his own voice, as if the words had been choked from his soul.

Words failed her. Since the day he'd first brought her dinner, she'd been waiting for him to leave. And when it finally happened, she never thought he'd come back. But now he was standing only a few feet away, and her heart was beating wildly in her chest.

"I love you." He'd never said the words out loud before because he never believed she could find anything worth loving in his half lived life. But he saw them now, all the things he'd refused to believe, written across her face and his heart broke at the depth of his own selfishness.

Sara met his gaze, and looking into his eyes she knew that more than anything in this world, she wanted to love him back. Maybe it should have mattered that he'd used up all his chances years ago, that she'd given up on him a long time ago, but somehow it didn't; the only place she really wanted to be was in his arms. Three steps and she was within inches of him, one more and her hands were cradling his face. And then she was kissing him.

"Sara." Her name was a whisper on his breath. She pressed her fingers to his lips and shook her head; the look in his eyes told her more than words ever could.

Her arms circled his neck as their bodies came together, his thigh sliding between hers, as he pressed her back against the door. Her mouth was hot and wet and he couldn't get enough of it.

"The door," She breathed in to his mouth.

He swung her around in his arms, kicking the door shut with his foot, and half pulled, half pushed her over to the couch. Sara put a hand on each shoulder and pressed him back, placing a leg on each side of him as he went down.

Her mouth seemed to have attached itself to his neck and her tongue was making his head spin. He slipped his hands under the thin cotton sweater she was wearing, tugging it up. Sara obligingly raised her hands so he could pull it off, only taking her mouth off of him for a split second.

"Sara?" His eyes flicked toward her bedroom door.

She shook her head, "Right here." She said quietly, tracing his jaw line with the tip of her finger, "Right now." From the moment he'd kissed her, she found faith in his touch, and for the first time she found herself believing in someone apart from herself.

Sitting back in his lap, Sara reached around, unclasping her bra with one hand as he watched, his breath uneven as the straps slid down her arms. He held her gaze for a moment, before tracing the gentle curve of her neck with his eyes. He gently pulled the bra away, his hands covering her breasts. She closed her eyes at the feel of his hands; his touch bore a reverence she'd never expected.

"Your pants." His voice was a low, a desperate growl in her ear as his tongue traced the curve of her ear.

She rose up on her knees, the loose fabric sliding away easily and with a short kick they were gone. His hands found her waist and he held her above him, pressing kisses across her stomach. He brushed his thumb across her clit, lightly at first, but then with increasing intensity.

The whisper of a moan escaped her lips, "More." She pressed into his touch as her head fell forward, her hair brushed his forehead.

The sharp, sweet scent of her was all over him and just when he though he might lose it she reached for the top button of his jeans. Her breath was coming in short, hot puffs, and she slid her body against his as she sought his cock. She slid her hand down the length of him, stroking the velvety soft skin, grazing the very tip with her thumb. She felt the low groan that escaped his lips at the very center of her being.

Looking into his eyes, she felt transformed. Under the gentle touch of his hand she took flight and this love that had lived within her for such a long time finally got the chance to breathe.

Sara choked back a cry as he loosened his hold on her hips, and she slid slowly onto him. Rocking against him, she clutched at his back, his shoulders, anything to keep him inside of her. She felt it then, this deep thing between them that had defied her for so long, finally unravel.

She came in his arms, her body melting into his.

He held her there; for a long moment and then her mouth found his and she kissed him. A kiss that started out gently, becoming something deeper as Sara arched against him.

He couldn't have resisted if he'd wanted to. He wrapped an arm firmly around her, and in one smooth movement she was on her back. She gasped in surprise, but met his gaze, drawing her fingers across his face, mapping the lines and curves, and raking her fingers through the coarse hair of his beard. Her touch was like magic, opening him up in ways he never could have imagined, and maybe that was what he had been afraid of all along.

As he pulled her close, she pressed her lips to his ear and murmured, "I love you too." And then on a whisper of her name, he was gone, lost somewhere inside of her.

**Gold**

"_There are no edges to my loving now."_

"We should probably think about giving the lease up on this place." Sara bent forward to retrieve another slice of pizza from the box on the floor, and then resettled herself in Grissom's arms. They were curled up on a lumpy beanbag chair in Sara's mostly empty apartment watching _Frankenstein_. Grissom liked to commemorate their first kiss with a scary movie, and was treating her to all the classics.

He glanced down at her; she smiled as she picked a slice of tomato off the top of her pizza, and popped it into her mouth. When Sara had suggested they stop by her old place on their way home from the lab, he knew something was up. It had been almost four months since they'd bought a nearly perfect three bedroom ranch on the outskirts of Vegas, yet they still hadn't opted out of Sara's lease.

As he looked around the empty room, he had to admit there was something holding him back. The furniture was long gone, the books, candles and knick knacks were adorning shelves in their new home. Yet every time he looked around the room, he saw echoes of time they had shared here together.

Sara watched him, reading his thoughts as easily as if he had spoken them aloud. "It's just a place." She said softly, "I've lived in a lot of different places, and not one of them felt like home until I had you to share it with."

He stroked the top of her head with his fingertips, knowing she was right. There was no magic between these four walls that hadn't existed between them all along. "Alright." He said looking down in into her eyes, and loving the subtle light he found there. Sometimes he wondered if everyone else could see what he did, certainly they were fools if they missed it. Sara was like beacon, and as long as she was with him, he'd always be home.


End file.
